Misunderstood.
Language
warning: Well
I have been known, so absolutely yes.
Love
and sex warning: Hurt
comfort etc.
Angst
warning: This
deals with issues that I myself have dealt with. There will be some hurt,
comfort etc.
Violence
Warning: Oh
yes, most definitely though not gratuitous. Just for a sense of justice you
understand, oh that and my way for certain characters to get their just
deserts. There may also be a
mention of sexual violence as well.
Thanks:
I
would like to thank two new friends: my beater reader Regina, for your work on
correcting my mistakes and advising me with the tweaks. And my Aussie mate Tammy, for helping me
and giving your honest opinions.
You both gave me the confidence to continue with this.
And
finally to everyone who read my last story Four Mondays, your feedback was
greatly appreciated
Let
me know what you think,
2
Charlie
rose from bed Thursday morning with a feeling of anticipation, so she was
confused as to why she felt such high expectancies for the day. It was still early and she hadn’t had a
great night sleep, not that she slept more than five hours at a time
anyway.
Getting
up, she pulled on her sweats and decided to go for half an hours jog before
practicing her Kung Fu. It was
quite light out for so early in the morning, and she looked forward to watching
the sunrise as she ran.
Two
hours later she was sitting in her living room, eating a bowl of Honey Pops and
watching the TV. Flicking aimlessly
she tried to find something mildly entertaining, morning breakfast shows
bombarded every channel. Eventually
she turned to a program that contained enough humour to keep her interested and
sat back to watch. This show made
her laugh, but when she looked at the clock and realised the time, she was
disappointed that she had to go and get ready for work.
Back
in her bedroom she pondered what to wear.
Yesterdays more casual dress seemed to go down well with the others, so
she decided to keep it up. Besides
she hated having to wear uniforms, with a passion.
Opening
her wardrobe she pulled out a pair of black jeans, and red t-shirt, deciding
they were to be her wears for the day.
Absentmindedly she wondered what Sarah would be wearing today. After getting dressed and towel drying
her wet hair, she went to grab her jacket.
She hated leaving the house with damp hair but it would have taken too
long to blow dry it, and she had wasted too much time watching the TV. Walking into her hall she noticed her
jacket wasn’t there, then remembered that she hadn’t retrieved back from Sarah
the day before. Deciding to go out,
sans jacket, she left the house.
*******
Reaching the top step of the third
floor, she waved up at the security camera before swiping her card through the
machine to let her in. She walked
straight to her office but was stopped before she could make it
there.
Graham
Adams stood at the cross of the corridors.
“Ah
Miss Taylor, how was your first day with the patients?”
She
smiled politely and walked over to him, not really wanting him to be the first
person she would have to speak to in the morning.
“It
was fine, Mr Adams.”
“Oh
Graham please. I hear your visit
with Miss Austin didn’t go too well.
I am not surprised I have been keeping an eye on her for a long
time. It does appear that her
problem is some form of social phobia.”
Charlie
frowned, “How do you know the outcome of my visit with Sarah Austin?” she
asked.
“Oh
one of the guards told me, you know they do have visual access to every
room.”
How
could I forget, and just exactly how much visual access to they
use,
she wondered.
“I
really wouldn’t hold too much hope with that one Charlene, she has no interest
in functioning within the normal world.
That young girl seems to be too happy the way she is. I tried to get her to open up for a long
time but it was a hopeless case, she is a hopeless case. There are just some people who you will
never get through to, my suggestion is that you use your time in helping those
who are worth it.” He brushed an
imaginary piece of flint from his arm and readjusted his black double-breasted
suit jacket.
Charlie
felt her anger rise, and holding it back was increasingly difficult to do. She repeated to herself that she had a
job to do, before taking a deep breath and speaking.
“Mr
Adams with all respect, you are wrong.
That woman isn’t happy, she is just too afraid to confront that which is
forcing her into the situation that she is presently in. I don’t believe my helping her is a
waste of time.”
The
director crossed his arms, “So she has told you her
problem?”
“No.”
“Then
how can you make assumptions about a persons mental state, especially when you
haven’t even gotten to know her?”
The tall woman looked
disbelievingly at the thin man, “And how can you make assumptions about my
ability to help her after just one session? Especially when that session followed so
closely on the heels of an extremely traumatic night being strapped to her
bed.” Charlie felt her anger rising
rapidly, and made a conscious effort to bring it under control. “Mr. Adams, this is my job. This is what I was hired to do, and it’s
what I do best. Sometimes what a
person doesn’t say is louder than what they do. I am sure I already have an idea as to
what her problem is, all I need is a little time to confirm it.” Charlie began to back away. “Now, if you will excuse me, I have a
patient to see at half past nine, and I need to read over their file
first.”
She
said her goodbyes and left the director standing in the hallway wondering what
he had said that had obviously annoyed the woman. She wasn’t going to be easy to ask out
for a drink, if she kept flaring up for no apparent
reason.
*******
The morning wasn’t going that bad at
all. Charlie had seen two more
residents and had arranged her first group meeting with the out patients. She looked at the clock, it had just
gone half past twelve. Deciding to
eat she left her office for the cafeteria.
As she walked down the hall, she saw a nurse pushing the residents
lunches to the rooms of those who refused to eat with the rest of the
patients. She noticed her stop
outside Sarah’s room. Charlie ran
up to stop the nurse before she entered; it was Abigail.
“Hey
wait.” She called.
Abby
turned around to see who was shouting her.
“Oh
hi Charlie, what is it?”
“Is
she your last stop?” the tall woman asked.
The
young nurse frowned, “Err well yes it is, Only Sarah and Jordan eat in their
rooms and he had decided not to eat today.
Can you believe he said the bread looked like the baker had dirty hands,
he refused to take it.”
Charlie
looked down at the trolley holding two plates of sandwiches, one glass of milk
and two apples. She had an
idea.
“Hey
tell you what, why don’t I take this into Miss Austin, I can try get her to open
up while we share a ‘lovely’ lunch.
What is in these sandwiches by the way?”
Abby
shrugged her shoulders, “God only knows.
Are you sure you want to eat that?” She pointed one short, though heavily
polished nail down at the food in question.
“Sure.”
Charlie replied taking the trolley off the woman before knocking on the door,
she heard a quiet yes and proceeded to let herself in.
Sarah
lay on her stomach reading a book of poetry that Clinton had not long brought in
for her. Mel had brought it in that
morning and had given it to the male nurse in the car park.
She
was enjoying the book, as it contained many of the greats, including one of her
favourite poets. Hearing the knock
at the door she thought it would be Nurse Abby. The woman usually walked in, put her
food on the bedside table and left.
She didn’t even raise her head when the door
opened.
“Do
you fancy some company?”
Sarah
looked up startled to see the woman she had been thinking about all morning,
standing with her arms leaning forward on the lunch trolley.
Charlie
observed Sarah’s confused expression; “I just wanted to know whether you wanted
to eat with me as I just nabbed the other lunch on here. If you don’t then I will have to go back
to my office, alone, and eat it all by myself…alone.” Charlie stressed the word ‘alone’,
hoping to play on the young woman’s sympathies.
Sarah
rose from the bed, putting her book on the bedside table, “I don’t mind.” She
stated quietly.
Charlie
smiled and pushed the trolley further into the room, shutting the door behind
her. She noticed that the young
woman was wearing the same clothes that she had on the day before, and realised
she probably didn’t have a huge selection of her own
clothes.
“So
where do you usually eat?” she asked
Sarah
pointed to the bed, “Usually there.”
Charlie
picked up one of the plates, placing the apple on it and handed it to her with
the glass of milk. She then picked
up her own and followed the girl to the bed, both sitting cross-legged at
opposite ends.
“It
seems I should have brought a drink.” She stated.
The
petite woman looked up concerned, “Do you like milk?” she
asked
Charlie
shrugged her shoulders, “Sure,” she stated.
“Well…you
can…have some of mine if you want to.”
The
tall woman smiled at the girl, “Thanks that would be great.” She noticed a slight upturn on younger
woman’s lips before she lowered her head to eat.
Charlie
lifted up her lunch trying to discover what was actually in the sandwich. Sarah watched as the woman brought the
plate to her face and lifted the bread up, taking a cautious look
inside.
“Thursday
means it is cheese spread and salad sandwiches.”
Charlie
looked up at the girl and grinned, “Just checking.” She said before taking a healthy bite of
her impromptu lunch.
The
rest of the meal was held in silence.
The nurse sat pondering what the rest of her day entailed and realised it
came up pretty empty. She only had
one other patient to see and that was Sarah. For the rest of the day she considered,
she could do more patient background checks.
The
green-eyed blonde was doing her own amount of thinking. She realised it was the first time since
she had been on the thirds that she had actually eaten a meal in somebody else’s
company. Looking across to the
woman in front of her she decided that the red of her t-shirt really brought out
the darkness of Charlie’s hair.
Feeling
eyes upon her, Charlie looked up to see two green orbs staring at her with
wonder. When Sarah realised she had
been caught, she blushed and lowered her head. The blue-eyed woman
smiled.
“I
was thinking about what you said all night.”
Charlie
looked at the top of the blonde head, “Which bit?”
Sarah
twisted slightly to put her empty plate on the bedside table. She took a drink of her milk then
offered her glass to the older woman.
It was accepted with a smile of thanks.
“About
what you said about me being happy.
I want to be happy, I mean it has got to be better than feeling like
this, right?”
Charlie
took a drink of the milk and handed the glass back, “In my opinion it’s one of
the best feelings in the world.” She stated.
Sarah
lifted her head, “What feelings make you happy?” She asked, almost in
wonder.
“Oh
that’s a tough one, there are so many, let me think…well, laughing makes you
happy, and err…”
“Doing
something for somebody else.” Sarah
interjected.
Charlie
smiled, “Yep, and love, that brings out a lot of good feelings inside a
person.”
The
smaller woman nodded her head, “ I know the only way for me be happy is if I
tell you what it is that is bothering me.
I don’t know whether I can…I…I… it’s almost like the words are afraid to
come.”
The
nurse nodded, “You’re afraid because you would have to face what it
is.”
The
girl nodded and shifted her back against the wall. There was a sudden tremor in the bed as
she jumped and hissed in pain.
Charlie flew over, kneeling in front the young woman with a look of
concern clouding her features.
“Hey
what was that?”
“Nothing,”
was the reply.
“Oh
come on Sarah, that was no nothing.
Bend forward.”
All
Sarah could do was comply, as she moved forward putting her head against the
woman’s shoulder. Charlie gently
pulled up the back of the girls’ sweater and frowned. On Sarah’s back was a large bruise about
the size of her hand. She pushed
the garment back down and knelt to look into her eyes.
“Sarah
how did this happen?”
Sarah
shrugged her shoulders and looked down at the bed, “I…I don’t know, it must had
happened in my sleep or something.”
She looked back up at the older woman, knowing she wouldn’t believe it,
but would not question her at that moment.
Charlie
sighed and looked into the green eyes, they seemed so familiar to her. She wondered why she felt the
deep-seated need to protect her, and whisk her away from this God-awful
place.
Instead
she nodded her head in acceptance to the reply she was given. She sensed the body in front of her
instantly relax.
Looking
at the clock on the wall it was now one o’clock.
“Well
the clock tells me this is the time I really was supposed to come in here and
bug you.” She joked, “How do you
feel, I have some ideas I would like to try out. You don’t have to tell me what your
problem is though.”
Charlie
looked at the young woman and waited, she received a slight nod in
reply.
“Great
this is all I want you to do today.”
She
got off the bed and walked towards the window, Sarah felt her heart rate
increase.
“Come
and stand here with me.”
Sarah
paused, then rose to her feet but froze. “I can’t.” she
replied.
Charlie
looked intently at her, “I believe you can Sarah, and I will be here with you
all the way.”
The
young woman closed her eyes feeling her heart pound and breathing escalate. She wanted the woman to leave; she
didn’t want her to see her like this.
Suddenly
she felt a warm hand encompass her own.
Opening her eyes, she looked up at the woman. Calmness enveloped her but the frantic
beating of her heart persisted.
“How
do you know?” she questioned.
Charlie
arched an eyebrow, “I’m not completely sure, I’m just going by instinct. Do you trust me?”
Something
inside told her she was the only one she could trust, she nodded her head
faintly.
The
nurse grinned, “Good then just walk with me to the window, and together we will
open the curtains. I will be with
you the whole time.”
She
could feel the hand in hers tremble, so she squeezed it with reassuring pressure
and led her over to the closed curtains.
Once
there, she felt the body tremble and a slight whimper escape soft pink
lips. “We will do this together
ok?”
Sarah’s
breathing was shallow and she looked at the woman with tangible
fear.
Feeling
the need to reassure her, Charlie moved behind the young woman and put her arms
around her, “Together.” She whispered into her ear.
Moving
her right hand down she captured the smaller one and moved it up to the
curtains. There was slight
resistance but she continued and together they pulled open the curtains.
Nothing
but the sound of rapid breathing could be heard. Charlie moved her head to look into the
face so close to hers, and found the eyes tight shut.
“Open
your eyes!” she said gently
“I
can’t.”
“You
can Sarah, I believe you can, please?”
The
smaller woman took a visible deep, shaky breath and held on tighter to the arms
around her, slowly she opened her eyes.
“Isn’t
it beautiful?”
Sarah
felt the warm breath of the voice right beside her ear, and all she could do was
nod. The sight was beautiful, she
realised. Straight out in front of
her were miles of countryside.
Different shades of green and yellow.
To
her right she could make out the beginnings of the city and to her left she
could see what she presumed was the motorway. She focussed her eyes straight ahead,
looking at the tiny specs of farm animals in the distant fields.
Slowly
her heartbeat began to calm as she relaxed. She took a slow breath and leaned into
the woman behind her. Charlie felt
the change in the young woman and relaxed, she was almost as nervous as Sarah,
but as she felt the body in her arms ease, so did she.
It was the first time is as long as she
could remember, that she had looked out of a window. The frightening thoughts of why she
stayed away from the outside world tried to make way to present mind, but she
fought back; the presence of the woman behind her helping her to do so. The feeling was just too
interesting…no she thought; it was more than that it was
good.
Realisation
flooded her and she became aware of the body pressed up behind her. She could feel Charlie’s breasts push
lightly into her back. Her soft
arms upon her own and the length of the long body flush against her back. Clearing her mind she sunk into the
feeling. It wasn’t that this was
the first contact she’d had in a long time (although it was) it was the fact
that it felt so right.
The
woman behind felt the smaller body soften and she smiled, “Amazing isn’t
it?”
Sarah
sighed, “It sure is.”
Charlie
grinned but it quickly faded. She
suddenly became aware of a tingling sensation in her stomach and it was moving
southward.
Abruptly
she pulled away, knowing she needed to break the contact. The movement jolted Sarah, and when she
realised she was no longer in Charlie’s protective arms she jumped away from the
window swiftly.
Charlie
guiltily looked down at her betraying body then back up at the young woman who
stood by the wall, away from the window.
“God
I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you like that.” she looked down at her hands.
CRAP. “I just thought you
should try it yourself. I guess I wasn’t thinking.
Sarah
nodded her head, “Ok… I’ve had enough now for today
anyway.”
Charlie
looked down at her hands again before moving her vision back to the worried
looking blonde.
“Right…well
I guess I will see you on Saturday unless there is anything else you want to
talk about or you want to try this again tomorrow?”
“Saturday
is fine.” The blonde stated and watched as the woman made her way to the
door. She let her self out, giving
the girl a brief smile before shutting it behind her.
Sarah
dropped her face into her hands and sighed, slowly she slid down the wall. Great she noticed how my stupid body
reacted to the way she held me and she was disgusted. Now she hates me, god maybe I do belong
to stay in a place like this.
She
dropped her head back against the wall with a thump. No I have to do this, maybe she did
really just want to get me to stand there on my own… yea right. Oh who cares I have to do
this.
Taking
several deep breaths she rose to her feet and edged her way towards the
window.
*******
The moon shone through the window of
Charlie’ front room. She lay
looking aimlessly at the blank screen of the TV. She hadn’t turned it on, and couldn’t
even be bothered to do so. Her body
was slumped on the sofa, one leg up over the armrest, and her head on the
other.
In
her hand she still held her backpack that she hadn’t even let go since she
entered the house about forty minutes before. There was stillness in the air that the
nurse hoped would send her into a dreamless sleep; she was
exhausted.
The
rest of the day had passed in a haze, the feelings of guilt she held keeping her
from concentrating on anything.
Finally by the time she was ready to go home, she had convinced herself
that she’d overreacted completely to the whole situation, and had built it up
into something it wasn’t.
But
now she sat at home wondering whether she frightened or offended Sarah with her
sudden change in behaviour and expeditious departure. The young woman did look kind of
confused. Oh shit, talk about
over reacting; I probably imagined the entire thing because it has been so long
since I have had that kind of contact with a woman.
Charlie’s
last relationship had been in med school, with the woman she was sure accused
her of cheating. The nurse believed
she had maliciously reported her to the medical board, because she had broke up
with the woman to concentrate on her studies. After that incident she had sworn off
getting involved with anybody else for life, besides in her line of work, the
less private life you had the better.
She would admit that occasionally she did miss the physical side and
thought maybe that was what her body had reacted to. Deciding that all she need was a cold
shower, she drug herself up of the sofa and towards the bathroom.
*******
Mark Stevens sat in a deserted corner of
some back street pub, which he’d already forgotten the name of. The atmosphere was quiet and smoky
making him feel completely alone, just how he wanted it. His unruly dark hair hung over his face,
covering the black patch that hid his still healing eye. The ex-nurse cradled the beer he was
drinking in both hands, not even remembering the seven he’d had before that
one.
Only
one thing was on his mind, and that was retribution. He was going to get back the
bitch that had blinded him, and with every drink, he devised his plan in
greater detail. Soon he would put
it into action and she would pay for what she had one to him, once and for
all.
*******
Friday was actually turning out to be
quite a decent day. Charlie had
woken to the spring sun shining through the window, making her feel an inner
peace. Of course it could have also
had something to do with the way she had finally managed to release her tension
the night before. Her cold shower
had left her feeling a little too invigorated, so she had to resort to other
methods. Her mind had chosen to
block out the image of the person who had finally sent her over the edge, so she
had woken feeling calmer, yet none the wiser.
Charlie
sat at her desk feeling the afternoon sun on her back, as she read through a
file on one of her out patients.
Her long dark hair hung over broad shoulders, blending in with the black
top and trousers she was wearing.
Leaning
back in her chair, she put down the folder and crossed her arms thinking about
Bell Tower. The hospital was not
supposed to hold the criminally insane and she wondered how it came to be that
two, obviously dangerous prisoners had been sent there. Adams, she thought mentally
rolling her eyes.
There
was a knock at her door and she turned to see the director walk
in.
Think
of the devil,
she mused.
Something
immediately caught her eye. In the
directors hand was her leather jacket.
She had completely forgotten about it, and knowing where she had left it
she wondered why he had it.
“Miss
Taylor, I believe this is yours?”
Charlie
rose from her seat and took the jacket from Adams, “Yes it is, why do you have
it?”
“Unbelievable
as it may seem, I found it in a patients room last night. I recognised it immediately as yours and
retrieved it, this is the first moment I’ve had to return it though I’m
afraid. Although stealing isn’t
really something that happens here often, I can assure you the culprit will be
dealt with accordingly.”
Charlie
stared down at the black leather in her hands. She was confused, what was he talking
about stealing; it wasn’t stolen?
“Err
Mr Adams, I put this jacket around Sarah Austin when I found her
restrained to her bed the other day.” She couldn’t keep the anger from
leaving her voice; but the director didn’t seem to notice.
Adams
rubbed his chin, “And why does she still have it then?”
The
tall woman mentally rolled her eyes, “Because I forgot to pick it up again,
that’s all. She did not steal it…”
pausing she remembered something he had said earlier. “Hold on what do you mean, the culprit
will be dealt with accordingly?”
Adams
shrugged his shoulders, “Well as you know, if you do wrong you must be
punished. When I found the jacket I
believed it had been stolen and had to act accordingly.” He appeared so
blasé.
The
hands holding the jacket, tightened forcefully, “What did you do to
her?”
“Well
obviously segregation would be the best form of punishment, but being as though
she does that willingly herself, I stopped her meals for the
day.”
“WHAT…”
realising she was shouting, she lowered her vice, “Didn’t she tell you I lent it
to her?”
“She
didn’t say a thing, and you should know lending patients your own belongings is
not allowed Miss Taylor, I would like you to remember that in future. There are rules to maintain after
all.”
Charlie
knew she was beginning to loose it, “This is a fucking HOSPITAL isn’t it? You
know, where we help people get well.
Since when is STOPPING a patient’s food become common practice. And I didn’t lend my jacket to her, I
covered her with it when I found her almost naked and restrained to her FUCKING
BED.”
“Now
Miss Taylor, I can understand you getting a little angry,
but…”
Their
‘discussion’ was broken when Dale, one of the security guards burst into the
room. His face was angry, and he
held his baton within his right hand.
“Sir,
Angel is causing a commotion, says she wants to see the new
Psychologist.”
Now
that Charlie’s door was open they could hear the screams coming from the secure
patients corridor.
“Great…come
on Miss Taylor, follow me.”
Confused,
Charlie dropped her jacket on the desk and did as she was asked, following the
director to Angle’s room. She
didn’t think she was to see the two prisoners on this floor so she wondered why
one of them wanted to see her.
The
definite sounds of a raised female voice got louder, the closer they got to
Angels room. Dale number 1, stood
by the open door, baton in hand and his other raised in front of him. They couldn’t hear what he was saying as
his appeared to be talking in hushed tones.
Finally
they arrived, Charlie behind Dale 2 and the director. She held back purposely wanting more
information, before she made her presence known.
Adams
moved to stand beside Dale 1, “All right Angel, what is it this
time?”
“I
heard there was a new psychologist and I want to see her.” The voice
demanded.
Adams
shook his head, “Angel, why on earth do you want to see her, you have your own
little shrink. Stop making a fuss
and start behaving. Otherwise you will be
punished.”
A cackling laugh sounded,
echoing off the walls of the corridor,
“PUNISHED, do you really
think I give a fuck what you people do to me. I just want to see what the new…” her
words were cut short as Charlie came into view.
A wide toothy smile spread
upon the prisoners face, and Adams looked around to see why she was
smiling. He frowned disapprovingly
upon seeing Charlie; he didn’t want Angel to think she could get her own
way.
“Well
aren’t you the pretty one.” The
prisoner began, “My, my, I wasn’t told the newbie was such a beauty. I think I may have to change my shrinks.
Tell me are you into those one to one, touchy feely, patient type bonding
sessions?”
Charlie
looked deeply into the woman’s wild, brown eyes, but didn’t
reply.
“Cat
got your tongue…shame I can think of a few things I would like you to do with
it.”
“That’s
it,” Adams shouted, “You have seen her, now why don’t we all just calm down and
get back to normal?” He looked to
the two Dales and motioned his head towards the Angel.
Charlie
took a few steps back as the guards rushed in, grabbing the prisoner, as a nurse
arrived ready to tranquillise her.
Angel’s laughs continued as she was restrained and the needle punctured
her skin.
The
director took Charlie’s elbow and ushered her away and along the
corridor.
“Well
that was a more pleasant encounter than some we’ve had.” He
stated.
The
tall nurse frowned, “Is she usually tranquillised?”
The
director nodded, “Yes, it seems to be the only way to control her violent
outbreaks. That woman is a bad egg,
from the day she born. It is
probably genetic I would think.”
Charlie
didn’t reply but continued to ponder the situation. Suddenly she looked at her watch, it was
ten to three. Remembering she had
an out patient group meeting in ten minutes she told Adams as much and raced off
to get herself together.
She had just enough time to run down to
the canteen and pick up some food.
Five
minutes later she was back on the third floor and knocking on Sarah’s door. There was no reply, but she let herself
in anyway knowing there was no other place the girl could be.
When
she walked into the room she found her fast asleep on top of the bed. She lay on her stomach, with her arms up
and bent by her head. Walking
silently in, she placed the plate of food and glass of water on the bedside
table.
Charlie
looked at the young woman and couldn’t resist the temptation to move the strands
of hair that had fallen over the side of her face. The feel of the strands were so soft
between to tips of her fingers, and her skin felt so soft. Charlie didn’t resist the urge to graze
her fingers once again over the incredibly smooth skin. The tips of her fingers burned at the
touch.
Feeling
a tickling sensation, Sarah was roused from her sleep to see a tall figure
looming over her. Instantly she
jumped up and moved away from the bed, before realising who is
was.
Charlie
held up her hands, “Easy…easy, it’s just me.”
Sarah
took in an audible sigh, “You…sc…scared me.”
Charlie
dropped one hand and used the other to push strands of her own hair behind her
left ear, “Sorry.”
Sarah
wondered why the woman was here, and then looked down at the plate she could see
from the corner of her eye. Her
stomach rumbled in need.
Charlie smiled, but it soon
faded.
“Sarah,
I’m sorry about what Mr Adams did, I forgot all about my jacket; this shouldn’t
have happened.”
The
young woman shrugged her shoulders, “It’s ok, Mr Adams tries to find any excuse
to punish me lately.”
“Why?”
Charlie asked.
Sarah
shrugged her shoulders again and looked down at the food, “Can
I?”
Charlie
nodded and watched as the girl timidly picked up the plate and started
eating. She looked at the clock and
realised it was one minute to three.
“Listen
I have to go, but I will see you tomorrow alright.”
Sarah
nodded her head, mouth too full to speak.
Charlie grinned at the girl and realised she wanted nothing more than to
stay with her. Mentally scolding
herself for her laps in professional detachment, again, she walked out of
the room. Shutting the door behind
her, she cringed as it mechanically locked itself.
*******
Saturday morning, Sarah always used to
love Saturdays. Getting to lie in
bed until noon, before her mother would call her down to get her lazy backside
into gear. She was joking of
course, and thinking back, it always made her smile remembering the times she
had with her parents.
That
was before her fear and shame made her turn away from them. Before the doctors had sent her to Bell
Tower and before they had given up, believing she wanted nothing to do with
them.
It
hurt her to know that they had turned away from her, even though she knew she
had ignored them first. Half of her
wanted to cry out to them, letting them know the reasons why, yet the other half
of her was afraid. She was ashamed
of what happened and didn’t want anybody to know. She felt in the centre of a vicious
circle with no way out.
Sarah
looked at the clothes she intended on wearing today. Her choice was limited to what she was
given and today she had chosen to wear black mid-thigh length shorts and a
short, orange tank top. She was
proud of her body and didn’t mind showing it off, especially considering a
certain psychologist was coming to see her. She tried not to dwell on that thought
too much though, knowing it was fruitless.
Though she did believe that Charlie’s actions the day before had proved
to her that there was no problem about what had happened at the window, and
acting like nothing had happened was probably the best idea.
Once
she was dressed she commenced the usual work out that she did every
morning. She tried to use her body
weight as much as possible in her exercise, to increase muscle gain.
Before
she was sent to Bell Tower, she had never been much for over exertion, now she
loved the adrenalin rush it gave her.
Well that and the body.
Starting with press-ups she began her usual work
out.
*******
Looking up at Bell Tower, Charlie
wondered what the castle used to be.
She had been told that it was donated to the community when the last
owner had died and the people had been less than pleased when they found out
what it was to become.
It
was old that she was sure of.
She
could just see that the very top tower window was stained glass, though she
couldn’t tell what the picture was.
She could imagine it being occupied by some crazed scientist, working on
freaky experiments in the dead of night.
Laughing at her own crazed imagination that seemed on overdrive every
time she thought about Bell Tower, she shook her head and made her way into the
building.
Today
was to be an easy, half day. Sarah
was the only patient she had to see, so she intended on actually devoting some
time to the girl. So far all other
sessions had been cut short, and Charlie hoped Sarah was ready to try something
longer. As she arose from bed at
five, that morning she had come to an immediate decision; Sarah didn’t belong
there and she was going to help her, even if they had to fight every step of the
way.
Taking
the stairs three at a time, her long legs carried Charlie to the third floor in
no time. She knew Clinton and Abby
were not working this morning but hadn’t been told who would.
Arriving
at her office she dropped her backpack and shopping bag on one of the
sofas. She had brought her own
lunch in today, with hopes that she could lure Sarah out to eat with her. Whatever was holding the young woman
back; she was determined to stop it.
Realising she had nothing else to do, she left to go and see
Sarah.
*******
“Seventy
one, seventy two, seventy three, seventy four…”
Sarah
paused mid air as she heard a knock on her room door. Thinking it was her breakfast, as it was
only half past eight, she yelled for the nurse to enter, (in doing so informing
who ever it was that she was decently dressed) and carried on with her
press-ups.
Charlie
entered the room and froze.
“Seventy
five, seventy six, seventy seven.”
She
saw Sarah sprawled above the floor in the midst of her work out. She couldn’t help but notice the fine
layer of sweat that covered her body, or the straining muscles in her arms and
back. Wordlessly she stood by the
door.
“Seventy
eight, seventy nine…s…”
Realising
somebody was standing at her door she stopped, letting her knees fall to the
ground. Lifting her head she
spotted a pair of brown boots, followed by a pair of faded blue jeans, in which
were tucked a white top. Long black
hair fanned around the shoulders and she didn’t have to think twice about who it
was.
Lifting
to her feet she looked at the woman and gave a sheepish smile, before lowering
her head.
Charlie,
realising she had yet to breath she decided now might be a good time. Blinking her eyes, she pulled air into
her lungs and looked at the suddenly shy girl before her. She had to admit, the young woman had a
beautiful body. It was compact and
toned, giving her a very athletic appearance. She hadn’t noticed it the last time she
had seen Sarah without clothes but then again she had far more important things
on her mind.
Charlie
cleared her throat,
“Ahem,
err…if I am too early I can come back later.”
Sarah
looked up at the woman and noticed the odd look in her
eyes.
“No
that’s all right, I thought it was breakfast, that’s all.”
Just
then a butch looking woman with dark red hair and an obvious faux tan, walked
into the room.
“Hi
Sarah, I have brought your breakfast.”
She placed it down and looked over to Charlie, a sudden smile forming on
her lips, “And you must be Miss Taylor the new psychologist?” she held out a
hand, “I’m Laura, and I am very pleased to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you and I have
to say, none of it is exaggerated.”
Charlie
smiled uncomfortably and looked to Sarah.
“Tell
you what, I’ll come back in about half an hour when you have finished eating
ok?” and with one last look, she was gone.
Sarah
stood silently as she watched the both nurses exit with an unusual feeling in
her gut. That woman had flirted
with Charlie, she noticed it straight away, but what she didn’t understand was
why the gnawing anger in her stomach because of it. Confused she sat down to eat her
breakfast; well at least Nurse Taylor seemed a little uncomfortable
anyway.
Charlie
made a swift exit from the woman who was attempting to ask her out, with an
excuse about needing to make an urgent phone call. She retired to the safety of her office
and closed the door.
Sitting
at her desk images of Sarah crept into her mind. Jesus get a grip Charlie, she is a
patient for gods sake.
Growling
at her lack of control she jumped up and dove into her mail, hoping the time
would pass quickly.
Half
an hour seemed like an eternity and when if finally did come around she left her
office before another second had the opportunity to pass.
She
knocked and let herself into Sarah’s room.
The girl sat cross-legged on her bed reading the book Mel had sent up to
her. She looked up at the nurse and
put down the book, a sudden nervous feeling in her stomach. Charlie smiled, closed the door, and
walked over to her,
“Mind
if I?” she gestured towards the bed.
Sarah
nodded, and the tall woman sat down.
They were silent as Charlie watched the
girl, look anywhere but at her.
“How
are you today Sarah?”
The
young woman looked up at the dark nurse and felt tears begin to sting the back
of her eyes.
Noticing
the look on the young girl’s face, Charlie was quick to act. Moving a little closer, but still trying
to keep an acceptable distance, she looked deep into the sentient green eyes,
“Hey what’s wrong?”
Sarah
looked down but her chin was caught by two strong fingers and
lifted.
“I’m
afraid…I know I could keep putting this off like I have done so many times over
the years, but I can’t. What you
said keeps playing over in my mind and I realised that I do want to be
happy. I want you to help me but
I’m afraid I will have to face it.”
“But
you won’t be facing it Sarah.”
The
petite blonde looked at the taller woman confused, a tear finally making its way
down her cheek.
“Because
we are going to face it; together.”
Tears
threatened to fall harder now and Sarah fought back the only way she could, with
anger.
“Why
do you care anyway?” she shouted diving off the bed, “There are other people in
here who need your help, go and help them.
All you people think you can control my life well you can’t, maybe I am
happy to stay like this after all.
Why should it bother you how a worthless good for nothing feels? I don’t
care what…” realising what she was saying she covered her face with both
hands. The tears flowed freely but
she spoke anyway, “Oh I’m so sorry.”
Charlie
was a little taken aback by the young woman’s outburst but quickly realised it
was anger at her own situation. She
moved forward and wrapped her arms around the blonde.
Her
first instinct was to tell her that she did care, more than she should, but held
back and just comforted the sobbing girl in her arms.
Sarah
pushed her arms around the woman holding her and buried her head under the
strong chin. As her tears lessened,
she began to hear the woman’s beating heart. It was a little fast and she wondered
whether the tall woman was still cautious because of the way she had acted two
days ago.
Abruptly
she pulled away and sat back down on the bed. Charlie was startled by the sudden
movement, but didn’t react visibly.
Instead she followed the girl back to the bed.
They
sat side by side in silence both wanting to hear what the other had to say
first. Charlie looked at the young
woman through the corner of her eye.
She knew she had to speak, and realised that maybe just getting to know
each other would be a fine way to make them both feel at
ease.
“Do
you want to hear a funny story?”
Sarah
immediately looked up with interest, “Sure.”
Charlie
grinned, “Great let me tell you about the time I decided to move away from home
at eight years old.”
Sarah
sat listening to Charlie’s story smiling slightly. She listened on how a young Charlie had
pitched a tent in her mothers garden intent on moving out after she had been
told she wasn’t allowed to go the a local football match, with the older
boys.
She
couldn’t help but laugh as Charlie described how she had stubbornly stayed out
all day thinking her mother would be heart broken. By night time she had decided to move
back home explaining to her mother that she didn’t want to leave her all
alone. But really it was because
she was sick of eating blackberries from the garden all day, as she had
forgotten to take any other food with her when she left.
Listening
to Sarah chuckle Charlie realised that it was the most beautiful sound in the
world and she would do anything to hear it every day.
“So
you were a bit of a hell raiser as a child?” The young woman
asked.
Charlie
grinned, “Ha, I was your average tom boy, I used to beat up the bullies and
steal their money.”
“Like
Robin Hood?”
Charlie
laughed at that, “No I’m afraid not, I used to keep the money and spend it on
chocolate.”
Sarah
dropped her head in her hands laughing, and the tall woman instantly missed the
smile that accompanied it.
“Right
now it is your turn.”
Sarah
looked up suddenly, “What?”
“You
know tit for tat, quid pro quo.”
Sarah
sighed, “I…don’t have any funny stories, I can’t remember them if there are
any.”
Charlie
decided to take a leap, “Well is there anything else you want to tell
me?”
The
young woman pursed her lips, “Like what?”
“I
really am not going to push you Sarah, I just want you to trust me, and know
that you can tell me anything.”
The
girl looked away, “Do you want to see something?” she
asked.
“Sure”
Slowly
she stood up and walked to the partially open curtains. She hesitated briefly before pulling
them all the way open and standing by the window.
Charlie
couldn’t contain the smile that spread across her lips.
“I’m
so proud of you Sarah, I know that was difficult for you, but just think, if you
can do this, what else you could do.”
Feeling
self conscious, the girl turned towards the window looking out at the early
morning dew, still clinging to the bushes near the hospital.
“I
had forgot how beautiful the world was in the morning. Seeing the first rays of sun, light up
the sky, and how it creates exquisite looking shapes in the clouds. When I was younger, I used to think that
clouds were kingdoms of the Gods. They would move over the land watching over us
mere mortals.” She smiled in spite
of her self.
“It’s
an interesting thought.” Charlie replied.
“When I was little I used to think stars were actually holes in the sky,
that were there to let water through when it rained.”
Sarah
looked back at the woman with a frown, “So did I,” she
stated.
Charlie
grinned, “Well you know what they say, ‘great minds think
alike’”
The
blonde smiled, “Maybe so.”
Silence
returned again, so Charlie moved to stand behind the girl by the window. Sarah could feel the heat moving off the
woman in waves.
“Sarah?
...Tell me why.”
The
young woman closed her eyes and trembled.
“Please?”
Was whispered gently by her right ear.
“Let me help make this all go away.”
“Can
you?” was the timid response.
“I
want to.” Was all Charlie could reply.
Sarah
put her arms around her body hugging herself tightly. She knew it was now or never, so with a
trembling voice she began.
“
I was always shy at school, but desperately wanted to fit in with the other
girls. It never felt right though,
they were always interested in clothes and boys and I never saw the big
attraction.”
She
paused wondering whether Charlie understood what she meant.
“Anyway
while at college I became friends with this girl, who introduced me to her
friends. They seemed to accept me
willingly and so I naturally thought I had found new friends. They were into partying, drugs and
things like that. I knew my parents
would be annoyed with me for my choice in friends, but I thought I knew best,
you know I was nineteen after all.”
She laughed at her own naivety and felt
Charlie’s hand rest on her shoulder, giving her the courage to continue.
“I
just wanted to fit in as best I could so I got involved with the partying
although I promise I never did any drugs, not even I was that stupid. Anyway the girl I was friends with
Tanya…she told me that her brother had a crush on me and asked me whether I
wanted to go out on a date with him.
All the other girls had boyfriends so, naturally just wanting to fit in I
agreed.”
She
stopped feeling a lump rise in her throat.
Charlie
put both her hands on Sarah’s arms and squeezed gently, “Go on.” She coaxed,
without though she let both her arms wrap around the younger woman’s small
frame.
“He
picked me up from home one night and took me out to the cinema. We had a good time, I felt like he would
make a decent friend even though I knew he wanted more. Afterwards we went for a walk in the
park. He told me that he liked me
and tried to kiss me. I pushed him
away, telling him I wasn’t interested in him in that way. He decided not to take no for an
answer.”
A
strong tremor ran through Sarah’s body and Charlie held on tighter, willing her
to continue.
“I
was so afraid by the sudden change in him that I froze. I let him to what he wanted after it
became clear that my pleas for him to stop were fruitless. After he told me never to tell
anyone. He said that if he ever saw
me around again he would tell everyone that I was a slut, that I was rubbish
in…well you know.”
Charlie nodded her
head.
“He
said that I was a cheap dyke whore, and no one would ever want me. Then he left
me there, beside a group of bushes.”
Charlie felt an anger in
which she had never felt before, well inside of her. She imagined this guy and what she
wanted to do to him, but when Sarah started talking again, her anger left and
she continued listening to the girl.
“I was so scared at what he
had said, and so ashamed by what had happened that I ran home intent on never
leaving again. I locked myself away
in my bedroom and didn’t come out for days and when I did come out of
my room, I couldn’t wait to get back in.
Before long, I couldn’t come out of my room at all. When I did, I felt sick…fearful. I couldn’t even bear to look out my
window, so I kept the shades closed.
My parents didn’t understand, but I couldn’t tell them what happened; I
didn’t want them to think less of me.
I hated myself for what happened, and believed it was entirely my
fault. Do you know what the strange
thing is?”
Charlie rubbed her arms
once up and down you girls’ arms and felt Sarah loosen the grip on her self and
sigh. “What?” she asked
“That
now I feel so angry at him for making me feel all the things I did. I can’t believe it has all lead to this,
and that I am the one in this situation.
I let him beat me.”
She said almost disbelievingly.
Charlie sighed pulling the
young woman closer to her. She
could feel the tremors start in the body in front of her as tears began to trail
down the girls face.
Turning
Sarah around, she pulled her into a comforting embrace and held on tightly. She became aware of the feelings
bubbling freely to her surface and tried desperately to ignore them. She was beginning to feel more for the
girl than she knew she should, but felt deep inside that she was powerless to
stop the emotions. All she had to
do was control them so she wouldn’t scare the young blonde.
Sarah
let go of her arms and held on to the dark woman, never had she felt so safe,
and protected before. Taking deep
cleansing breaths she tried to calm herself.
“I
don’t want to be afraid anymore Charlie, please help me?”
The
woman held on to the girl and placed a kiss on her head, “I’ll do everything in
my power to help you Sarah.”
Charlie
stood holding the girl for as long as she could, but told herself she had to let
go as soon as Sarah tried to move.
She breathed in deeply the scent of soap from the warm body within her
arms.
Thinking
that it wasn’t right for her to be holding on to the nurse, Sarah reluctantly
moved away from the embrace.
“I
haven’t been out in four years, but I want to now. I just don’t think I am ready to go out
there.” She pointed out to the front of the hospital.
Charlie
thought for a while, “I have an idea… do you trust me?”
Sarah
nodded her head, “I think you are the only one I do.” She stated
emphatically.
Charlie
paused and let the impact of those words sink though her. “Ok…let me go and ask permission to do
something then I will be right back, that all right?”
The
blonde frowned, wondering what the tall woman had in mind, but nodded her
head.
“Great
see you in one minute.”
Charlie
turned and swiped her card through the mechanism allowing her to exit the
room. She turned and ran to the
guards’ room.
Dale 1, had noticed the nurse sprint
towards his room, and stood up wondering what was going on. He had been watching her in Sarah
Austin’s room but they had moved out of view when they stood at the window.
Charlie
entered the room to find the guard waiting for her,
“What
can I do for you Miss Taylor?”
Charlie
paused to look at the CCTV screens before speaking; she could see Sarah sitting
on her bed, with a nervous look on her face.
“Dale,
this card allows me access to any part of the building right?” She held up her ID
card.
The
guard nodded.
“So
if I wanted to take a patient anywhere around here I
could?”
Again
the guard nodded, “Are you going to take Miss Austin out?” He asked almost
disbelievingly.
Charlie
smiled, “Sort of. Thanks Dale.” And
with that she was gone.
The
security guard watched her run back up the corridor on the
monitor.
Sarah
heard the door click open and Charlie walk in. The expression on the woman’s face was a
mix of excitement and trepidation.
“You
ready to come with me?” She
asked.
“Where
are we going?”
The
nurse smiled and took the young woman’s hand, “Trust me.” She
stated.
End
of Part 2