Misunderstood.

BY

M.J

Disclaimer:  These characters may bare a resemblance to a certain duo (who don’t belong to me) that we all know and love, but that’s all.  This is an uber story and the characters are mine.

Language warning:  Well I have been known, so absolutely yes.   

Love and sex warning:  That also, and it’s between two women as well.  You have been warned!

Angst warning: Hurt comfort etc.

Violence Warning:  Oh yes, most defiantly though not gratuitous. Just for a sense of justice you understand, oh that and my way for certain characters to get their just deserts.  There may also be a mention of sexual violence as well.          

Thanks: I would like to thank two new friends: my beater reader Regina, for your work on correcting my mistakes and advising me with the tweaks.  And my Aussie mate Tammy, for helping me and giving your honest opinions.  You both gave me the confidence to continue with this.  

And finally to everyone who read my last story Four Mondays, your feedback was greatly appreciated

Let me know what you think,

[email protected]

1

  Charlie Taylor turned her black Forester jeep right, onto a long shaded, narrow road.  Trees lined it evenly on both sides, allowing not a single ray of spring sunlight to penetrate and brighten its eerie ambience.  It seemed to her, that the moment she turned onto this road the temperature dropped several degrees, or was that just her overactive imagination?  

Following the dusky road, she took a left then right before she began to see light ahead.  Putting more pressure on the gas pedal, she accelerated, allowing the welcoming sight of the sun’s rays to hasten her progress.  Seconds later, she exited the dreary road, and got her first glimpse at her new place of employment.

  

Bell Tower Hospital stood large and forbidding.  Resembling a medieval castle, more than a medical facility.  It stood on three main levels, with many small towers protruding from the top.  Looking closely, Charlie could see the windows on the third floor held sturdy metal bars.  Charlie presumed that this was where the more violent of patients were housed.  Bell Tower Hospital was not a hospital for the physically ill; no, the illnesses of the patients here were far more complex.  They were illnesses of the mind.  Pulling closer, she noted the dull charcoal colour of the brickwork gave the building a supernatural appearance.  Charlie would swear she had seen this place in a horror movie not too long ago.  Or was her imagination working overtime again.  Of course, the frightening stories she had heard about this place didn’t help any.  At the time, she discounted the horror stories as being the product of overactive imaginations, but the closer she got to this eerie abode, the more likely those stories seemed. 

Pulling her car around to the side, she found the road she was told would lead her to where she was to park her vehicle.  Rolling the jeep to a halt she pulled on the handbrake and turned off the engine.  There must have been about twenty or so other cars in the shaded area.  Grabbing her backpack from the passenger seat, she opened the door and swung her long tanned legs out into the fresh air.

Gracefully exiting the car, she pushed the door shut and secured it with the remote control key, it made a slight ‘pweep’ as it locked and activated the alarm.  Charlie looked down at herself in the windows reflection and scrutinised her appearance.  Her thick dark hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and although she couldn’t see it under her long black trench coat she could imagine the ugly, but neatly pressed nurses uniform below.  

Rolling blue eyes upwards, she took a deep breath and walked towards the entrance of her new place of work.

  

Being a Psychiatric Nurse wasn’t what she had originally wanted to be, but when she didn’t make it as a doctor (an incredibly sore point to her) this was her second choice.  She wasn’t sure why, but she just had this intense need to care for and protect people.  It had always been there, and she had no cause to question it. It still hurt her to think back to her med school days.  She had been in her penultimate year and was the top of her class.  Then from out of nowhere accusations began to fly about her cheating on her studies, and it had gone down hill from there She was sure she knew who created the accusations, but was unable to prove it.  And so, after and embarrassing and heated argument with the medical board, fraught with accusations and attempts to invade her private life, she quit and never looked back.  She was later cleared of the accusations, but it was too late.  Her focus had shifted to nursing, and her course would not be altered again.  

Now four years later, here she stood, a qualified Psychologist/Psychiatric Nurse ready to start her new job at Bell Tower Hospital.  The thing that shocked everybody, including her mother the most, was the fact that she chose the place herself.  There were not many people who chose to work there due to its reputation; still there was an agenda that she had to stick to.  Nearing the main entrance, she took another deep breath and walked in.

*******

  Betty Mason, a short, rounded woman with loose curly grey hair sat at the front desk looking aimlessly at the magazine that was in front of her.  This wasn’t her usual post; she was a nurse on the second floor.  But after the secretary at front desk had rushed off to the bathroom, she had found herself covering for her friend. Turning the page she continued to gloss over the advice pages, hoping to find something that would entertain her while she waited.  

  

The sound of the front doors opening drew her from an unfulfilled perusal, to see who was entering the building.  Her eyes zeroed in onto one very tall, blue eyed, brunette who was walking confidently towards her.  She pushed the magazine away and stood to greet the stranger.

“Well hello there, what can I do for you?”

Charlie directed her most dazzling smile towards the woman as she spoke, “I am Charlie Taylor, I’m starting tod…”

Her words were cut short.

“Oh Miss Taylor, we have been expecting you, I’m so glad I’m the first to meet you!”

The tall woman frowned, “Why’s that?” she asked.

The old woman laughed, “Well, now I have first hand information on the new girl to give the gossips later.” she stated giving a mischievous wink.

Charlie’s shoulders shock as she chuckled at the comment; she was a good judge of character and could tell she was going to like this woman.

“Well what can I say, I am glad to be of service.”

The older woman held out her hand, “Betty Mason, but just call me Betty.”

The younger woman took the offered hand and shook it, noting the difference with the pale hand to her darker one.

“I hear you will be working on the third floor.  I must say you are brave, I will not even set foot up there, too many horror stories.” Betty stated seriously as they separated hands.

“Oh…and why is that?” she was asked.

“Well as you know that floor holds the more ‘active’ patients and to be honest I am a little nervous of that part of the hospital.  Not that I want to scare you off, but the last guy who left here worked on the third.  He is now blind in one eye.”

The woman listened as Betty told her about the man who had just left, recalling a similar tale told to her by Caroline Evans, head of the community health board.

Betty continued, “Would you believe he was stabbed in his eye with one of his own needles?  He was only caring out a routine injection, or so I was told.  Dear, I don’t want to frighten you, but are you sure you know what you are letting yourself into, only two other women work on the third.”  She wasn’t trying to scare the new nurse off, just give her fair warning.

The tall woman smiled, “Don’t worry, I can take care of myself Betty.”

The older woman looked up to the tall beauty, “You know, I can very well believe that young lady.”

  

Just then a side door opened and a slim mousy woman entered the foyer.  She looked at Charlie and her eyes lit up.  Betty cleared her throat and walked around to the woman she had been talking to.  

“Ah Shirley, you are back, good.  This is Charlie Taylor, she is the new nurse on third, we can’t stop, things to do you know, I will see you later.”

And with that, she took the tall woman’s arm and gently pulled her to the elevators.

“What was all that about?”  The dark woman whispered

Betty just laughed and shook her head, “Call it my protective instinct, but that woman is a vulture, I would call her head of the gossips.  She would have cornered you and drained every last snippet of information out of you.  I had to save you.   Besides, I had dibs.” She added with an impish chuckle

Charlie feigned offence, “Oh I feel so cheap.” She whined

The elevator doors opened and Betty walked inside, “Oh believe me, I only wanted the good information, Shirley will go for anything and she doesn’t mind spreading it all.  Don’t get me wrong she is a good friend, just an over achieving gossip.”

Both women laughed as the doors slid shut, but Charlie made a mental note to politely stay away from that woman.

*******

  It was now evening and Charlie sat at her kitchen table holding a glass of wine in both hands.  She had not long returned home but still hadn’t changed into more comfortable clothes.  Around her, there stood a few boxes that she still had to unpack since moving in.  

She had been in her new three-bedroom home now for about two months and had just about finished her settling in but she found the last few junk boxes a chore.  Anyway they were in the kitchen, and it was not like she used it an awful lot.  With not being terribly adept at cooking, Charlie often resorted to fast food take out.

  

Picking up her glass she took it into the front room.  The walls were still a pale creamy colour and as yet she hadn’t put up any of her pictures.  Walking bare foot across the pine floor she made her way to the dark leather couch and sat down.  She contemplated putting on the TV, but decided against it, choosing instead to think about her day.

 

It had been quite interesting, she decided as she recalled her conversation with the hospital director.

*******

 

  Betty had taken her to see Mr Adams as soon as they reached the second floor.  She waited in his outer office for about ten minutes before she was finally ushered in and got her first look at her new boss.

Graham Adams was a tall thin man, with a balding head and neatly trimmed moustache.  He wore an obviously expensive grey suit, and incredibly shiny black shoes, making Charlie wonder whether he was ever in the army.  He sat behind his desk, not even bothering to take her coat, so she left it on.

  

Looking around the office she tried to form an impression of her new boss.  There were many certificates on the wall and because of her A1 eyesight she was able to tell what they were for.  She had to laugh; it appeared that the man was a bit of a show off.  It seemed to her that every certificate he had ever won, (possibly in his life), was on that wall and she wondered whether she would find any school swimming certificates there.  She turned her attention back to the man, who had begun talking to her,

“Well Miss Taylor, I must say you are very different than I imagined.”

She raised an eyebrow at this wondering where the man was leading this comment.

“Not that I am complaining about having such a beautiful woman working under me…I mean for me…”

Busted, well I have your number Mr Adams.

“It is just that the women who usually work on the third are a little more, how can I put this delicately…on the robust side.”

Charlie tried to unclench the fist she was making under the desk.  Her sense in character told her she wasn’t going to like this man.  

“Well Mr Adams, I do assure you I am very able to take care of myself, if the situation ever arose.  Though I really think that it is all in the way you respect the people residing here.”

The Director shook his head, “Miss Taylor,” she could already detect the condescending comment that he was about to make.   “What all you new nurses don’t understand is that most of the people on the third are socially dysfunctional.  They will never be able to live in normal society and would cause harm to anyone they encountered.  It is my job to keep these ‘people’ away from where they can do anybody, even themselves injury.”

Charlie took a calming breath.

“I understand you wanting to think positive, but there is no clemency for the dammed, tomorrow you will see what I am talking about.”

“So what exactly is my job here then Mr Adams, if these people aren’t fit for the outside world?”

“Look we have never had a therapist able to get through to any of them.  With the more extreme cases I hold no hope, but the board wanted me to take in a psychologist to help with the patients they feel may have a chance.”

The tall nurse wondered whether counting to one million would be enough to ease the contempt she was already feeling for this man.  Surely he wasn’t serious right?  

Mr Adams picked up Charlie’s file and thumbed through it.  “I want you to know I will not hold your past deeds against you.”

One, two, three, four,    

“Your file states that you are a very capable nurse and I see you have experience in martial arts…interesting!”

Interesting?

There was a sudden beeping sound, and Mr Adams pulled a small pager from waistband of his trousers, “Oh…well I have something very important to attend to.  It was nice to meet you Miss Taylor, I will see you tomorrow.”

And with that she was ushered back out of his office.

********

 Pulling the band out of her hair, she let it fall over her shoulders as she gulped down the last of her wine.  First impressions of the day had told her,

(1) Betty would be a good friend,

(2) Watch what information she gives about her self, and

(3) She really didn’t like her new boss.

“I guess I will just have to see what tomorrow holds for me.” She told herself and got up to get another glass of wine.

*******

  Charlie awoke as the sun began its ascent into the morning sky.  Rubbing her fingers over blurry eyes, she realised she had fallen asleep on the sofa.  

Last time I drink a full bottle of wine when I have to work in the morning,

She told her self.  

Still, she had plenty of time before she had to be at work, so decided the best way to rejuvenate her body would be a good work out.  

She had turned the dinning room into a gym, figuring she would never use it and would probably never entertain. Charlie herself was the first to admit she wasn’t into social occasions much and never, ever at her own home.  That was her place of sanctuary and so far only her mother had paid one visit to her daughters new home.

  

After changing into a pair of shorts and tank top, she did a ten-minute warm up, before commencing on the weight bench.  Another twenty minutes later Charlie moved to the centre of the room where she went through the three forms of Wing Chun.  She had been practicing the martial art for many years and found it an excellent way to focus her energy.  Plus she loved its logic and the strength it gave her legs.  

  

An hour and a half later she was in the shower, contemplating her day and what it had in store for her.  Today she was going onto the third. Charlie was looking forward to it greatly and couldn’t wait to start.  

Turning the spray of water off, she excited the stall and walked into her bedroom, not even bothering to dry herself.  Well Adams, lets see these people that you claim to protect the so-called normal people from shall we.  

******

  Pulling into the parking lot, Charlie saw Betty walking towards the doors, when she saw the younger woman she decided to wait.  Moving a little swifter, the nurse climbed out of her jeep and strode over to the other woman.  

“Good morning to you Miss Taylor, lovely day today isn’t it?”

Charlie slung her backpack over her shoulder and fell into stride beside the older woman.

“It sure is, and please call my Charlie, I hate my name sounding so formal.”

“Well as long as you call me ‘B,’ you have a deal.”

“Sounds good to me.”

The women walked into the old building and straight to the elevator.  Charlie was to meet the director and she was not one for being late.  Fortunately she still had ten minutes.

“So you are going up onto the third today.”

Charlie nodded her head and smiled.

“I hope everything goes alright for you, even though you will be in the presence of the delightful ‘protector’ Adams.”

The younger woman laughed, “Oh I see he gives everybody the ‘I’m protecting the normal people’ speech?”

Betty nodded her head, “Oh yes, sometimes I think he should just record the thing and play it to all new employees, I mean it isn’t like he is interested in what they have to say anyway.”

As the elevator door opened to the second floor, Charlie’s response died on her lips as she came face to face with Adams himself.  

“Ah Miss Taylor, on your way to meet me?  Well might as well not beat about the bush… lets get going shall we?”

Betty winked at the other woman as she exited the compartment and left her with the thin man.

  

The first difference the nurse noted was the obvious increased security.  The lift opened into a secure room in which two men sat at a desk.  They wore security uniforms and around them were many CCTV units, which she presumed held views to each of the occupants’ rooms.  She grimaced when she saw the images on the screens and realised these people had hardly any privacy.  

Walking fully into the white walled room, Charlie looked at the light weapons scattered around.  Cans of mace, hand cuffs, batons, and even dart guns.  She looked at the guns with horror and Adams saw her expression.

“Don’t worry Miss Taylor, those are for the more dangerous inmates.  Here at Bell Tower we are in possession of two criminally insane prisoners.  They were sent here, as they needed to be held in a secure unit, and up here on the third we certainly have that.  We have never had to use any of these things on the patients; they are merely a precaution.  Now, I must tell you, there are two main corridors; one holds the two prisoners, and the other holds the regular patients.  As you know, you will be working only with the patients.  Which is, in my opinion, a complete waste of time, as most of them will likely never leave here.  Still, you will have to work with them anyway, as commanded by the Mental Health Board,” he sighed.  “Here let me introduce you to the two Dales.”

Adams proceeded to do just that.  The first Dale was short with ash blond hair; he was probably in his early forties.  Dale number two was taller, though not as tall as Charlie who stood at almost six foot.  He had grey hair and must have been in his late fifties.  

She was informed that the two Dales worked the day shift and two guys called Mike and Nick worked the night shift.  Charlie shook hands with the two men who both seemed nice enough, though she thought Dale number one looked a little nervous.

  

Dale number two walked over to the desk and picked up a small laminated card.  He handed it to Charlie,  

“This is for you Miss Taylor, it gives you instant access to the third floor, without having to sign in every time.  You swipe your card through this,” he pointed to a small scanning device on the wall, “and the door will open for you.  It also records your comings and goings up here so you don’t have to bother yourself with all the signing in and out you will have, through out the day.  Most of the third floor is monitored this way, including the back stairs and the stairs that lead to the towers and roof.”

Charlie took the card from Dale number two.

“Well you might as well give it a try Miss Taylor, that’s where we are heading after all.”  Ushered Adams.

The tall woman walked over to the device and swiped her card through, there was a little bleep, a green light flashed and a door opened.  She clipped the card to the lapel of her white uniform and followed Adams inside.

*******

  In front of them was a large white corridor.  The first thing Charlie noticed was the smell, a heavy aroma of disinfectant.  The stench was enough to give her a headache, but she knew she would have to get used to it.

  

They walked down the corridor as Adams started pointing out the rooms.  A communal room, small locked kitchen (that she could open with her card) an observation room with a two-way mirror, and other storage rooms.  He also pointed to a door, which led to another part of the building that was still in its original state, though it was soon to be renovated.  They came to a crossing and stopped.

“Right Miss Taylor, to the left and right of us are the patients rooms.  And straight ahead are other rooms, an access point that leads to the bell tower and attic rooms oh and also your own private office.  There you will be able to talk with the patients on a one-to-one basis.  Well, those that will be willing to any way.  They seem to have co-operative days and non co-operative days.”

Charlie nodded her head taking all the information in, wondering whether this man really thought these people were a waste of time.  A man like this shouldn’t hold this kind of position.

“Right, there are usually three nurses on duty at a time, but they are probably in one of the offices at the moment.  Anyway, shall we go see the patients?”

“Lead the way” The nurse said.

*******

  They turned first to the left and Adams led Charlie to the two secure units.  It was completely silent and the only sound came from the hum of the air conditioning.  They stopped at the first cell and the director moved the hatch to look inside at the occupant.

“This in here is Angel, but don’t let her name fool you.  She murdered her family over the breakfast table one morning, nobody knows why.  We’ve had her for about six months now, we don’t get much sense from her most of the time, but I guess that is because of the medication she has been put on.  Though she does tend to laugh, sometimes hysterically, she was drugged last night just to shut her up.”

Charlie looked through the hatch to see a young woman, with long hair.  Half of it was brown, but the other was blond where her bleached locks were growing out.  She looked so pale and peaceful that the nurse couldn’t believe she had murdered her family.

Adams closed the hatch and moved further down the hall to the next door.  

“And this is Percy, he to is dead to the world for the moment.  Percy went on a killing spree in a shopping centre.  When asked why, he just said he didn’t like crowded places and was just trying to clear the place up a bit.”

Charlie looked through the hatch to see a small form of a man, huddled deep under the warmth of his paper sheets.

“Can I ask why the paper looking sheets?” she asked

“Well anybody we consider a threat to them selves gets the paper style sheets.  They are thick enough to keep a person warm, yet not strong enough if the decided to try and hang themselves.”

Adams again shut the hatch and turned to walk back to the other side of the corridor on the right.

“Lets meet the others shall we?”

*******

  They crossed the main corridor and walked down the right hand side.  Charlie noticed definite sounds of distant voices, coming from this area.  They walked to the first door and opened it.

“Right this is Jordan.”

Charlie looked bewildered at the naked man and moved to go in but Adams stopped her.

“Jordan is an obsessive compulsive, you walk in his room and he will go crazy.  He is obsessed about a lot of things, cleanliness being one of the main.  To talk to him you must go through certain procedures, on his terms if you want a peaceful life.  He doesn’t wear any clothes because he believes they are dirty so we have to keep a constant heat in here.  We also have to provide him with the basic cleaning supplies to keep him happy.  He used to clean his room with his spit.  He still spit polishes every bottle of cleaning fluid that I allow him to have.”  Adams laughed.

The nurse just looked at the man in question.  His blue eyes shone back at her with an inner intelligence that made her know there was more to him than Adams or any of the other care workers, (and in this place she wondered whether she would have to use the term loosely) had ever bothered to find out.  

His hair was unevenly cut short and he had a tattoo on his left arm, though she could not make out what it was.

She took a quick inventory of the room, knowing each one would be the same.  There was a single hospital bed, a bedside unit, small built in wardrobe, sink and toilet.

“Ok next.” Adams shut the door and walked over to the next one.  He readied his card to swipe but paused.

“I want you to watch out for this girl, she attacked and blinded a male nurse a while ago.  Her name is Sarah she is twenty-four years old and quite a waste of a good room if you ask me.”

The director opened the door and allowed Charlie to take a step inside.  The nurse noticed the petite frame of the girl who sat quietly on her metal-framed bed, with her head bowed down.  Long golden locks fell forward and covered her face.

“What’s her story?” she asked, noticing a strange feeling twisting in her gut.

Adams rubbed his slight stubble chin.  “Well one day she just locked herself up in her room, wouldn’t talk to anybody.  After about four days they got a doctor in and she went crazy.  They had to sedate her and then brought her straight here.  She wasn’t on the thirds straight away though.  Her increased violent behaviour towards anyone who tries to get close to her has unfortunately forced us to put her here.”

Charlie heard no sincerity in his voice.

“She has been here now for just over four years, on the thirds for two of them.  Her parents gave up on her two years ago, as she never spoke to them or even acknowledged their presence for that matter.  She just spends every single minute, of every single day in this room, well that is unless she is given a sedative to calm her violent rages, then we can get her out for a while, but she hardly communicates with anybody.  She reads and reads and reads, must kill her eyes because she will never allow the curtains to be fully opened.”  He sighed; “Right, on to the next one shall we?” he said and walked away from the room.

Charlie didn’t follow; she took a step closer to the girl and waited.  Seconds later she saw the blond head move as Sarah’s curious nature came into play, wanting to know who was still in her room.

The nurse watched as the head lifted and two conscious green eyes gazed up at her.  Charlie momentarily lost her bearings as she stared into the green depths that showed so much emotion and so much pain.  

She moved her vision wider to take in the cherub like face and soft pink skin.  The girl seemed to stare right through her and although she knew she should have felt unnerved, she only felt a deep connection to the petite blond.  

Taking a deep breath she decided to speak.

“Hi… my name is Charlie.”

Sarah didn’t respond, but the slight flicker in her eyes told the woman she had at least heard her, though she still didn’t move.  Her legs dangled over the bed almost touching the floor and she gripped the sheets under her hands with a gentle pressure.

Suddenly footsteps could be heard and Sarah lowered her head again.

“Miss Taylor, there you are, come on no time to waste there are still four more people to see up here.”

Charlie turned to leave the room, she didn’t turn around until she was ready to shut the door, but the blonde head never moved again.  

As the door closed and locked, she felt a cold chill rip through her spine.  She stayed by the door for another couple of seconds, until the directors’ voice forced her to make a move.

*******

  Charlie and Adams sat in his office, and she wondered how long would seem polite before she could leave.  

“Mr Adams I was wondering.”

“Oh please call me Graham.”

“OK, is it really necessary for me to wear this uniform?” she questioned

The man looked confused, “Well…yes I suppose…but then again with your position I am not sure…I guess it is up to you, why do you ask?”

“It is just that every patient I met looked at the uniform first, it feels like I am being judged simply for what I am wearing.  I feel that I would be able to relate to them better if I looked a little less like a figure of authority and more like an average everyday person.  I mean no disrespect you understand, I would just like to try out a theory I have.”

The director sat and thought for a moment, “Well if you are willing to try, then I am willing to give my consent, not much else I can do with them anyway.  You do realise it is more than just the uniform that makes or breaks the person though?  If you do manage to get through to them that is”

No shit.  Should I admit I just hate the whole nurses uniform anyway?

“Well I would like to give it a try and see what responses I get.”

*******

  The rest of Charlie’s day hadn’t gone that bad.  She had spent the time meeting the other two nurses whom she would be working the day shift with.  There was Abigail, a large looking woman with short brown hair.  She took an instant dislike to her basically because the woman spent the entire time manicuring her nails.  

The second nurse was Clinton; she liked him.  He was average height, with blond hair and blue eyes.  She could almost imagine him as the typical surfer, well if it wasn’t for the fact that this was England, and they lived right bang in the middle, at least a hundred miles from the sea in any direction.  

  

She had met up with Betty at her last break, and they had conversed briefly about what would be acceptable dress.  Betty stated anything she wanted, if she was able to get away with it, but should work up slowly, as long as she didn’t intend on wearing any leather or PVC.  

She did laughed when Charlie stated that it would be easy to clean if there were any ‘accidents’, and wondered why nurses uniforms were not made of such materials.  Betty said it was probably because of the sexual fantasy’s some people had with the uniform.  And that it was best to stay the way they were, so the sight would not affect patients with heart conditions.  

Actually, the tall woman couldn’t wait to get to work, she was anxious to get to know the people she was hoping to help.  

  

At the end of the day she left work, exhilarated about the prospect of coming back tomorrow.  If anyone knew that, they would think I had flipped my lid.  I heard one nurse say the best part of her job was the clocking off.  Charlie chuckled to herself.

*******

  Wednesday arrived and Charlie stood checking out her appearance in a full-length mirror.   She had chosen a pair of black trousers, boots and a blue shirt.  She left her hair down and pinned her ID card to the lapel of the shirt.

Well no point in just standing here might as well get moving.

Picking up her backpack, she pulled on her black leather jacket and left the house.  Half an hour later she was accessing the third floor and on her way to her office.

She liked the room she had been given; it was spacious, comfortable and had a nice high view of the gardens and countryside beyond.  In the far left and corner stood two brown leather sofas, one by each wall.  In the other corner were three filing cabinets.  In the near left was a desk and computer and by the right wall was a small fridge, it didn’t contain anything, but water and Charlie was just fine with that.  

She walked in, chucking her bag on the nearest sofa.  Before she had a chance to even take off her jacket, there was a knock at her door.

“Yo!” she shouted.

A confused blond head pocked its was round the door, “Wasn’t expecting that!” he stated.

“Clinton, what gives me the pleasure of your company so early in the morning?”

The young man blushed, “Well, I thought I better let you know there was a bit of an incident last night.  Sarah Austin, had one of her out-bursts and they had to restrain her.”

Charlie’s head shot up at that, “What do you mean restrain her?”

“Well they put her in the leather restraints that hold a patient down onto the bed.  I don’t know what happened but I have only just heard, which means she won’t be released until you can evaluate her mental state.”

A chilling look entered Charlie’s eyes, and Clinton believed he had never seen that expression on another human being before in his life.

“I…I swear I have only just found out about…this.” He stuttered.

The angry woman brushed by him, “Don’t worry Clint, I will take care of this.”

  

Charlie all but ran to Sarah’s room and swiped her card through the locking mechanism, allowing her to enter.  What she found broke her heart.  

The first thing she noticed was the smell of urine.  It wasn’t too strong but all the same it was there.  She walked into the room and saw Sarah.  She lay only in her underwear, with her back against the bed.  Her legs were spread open and her ankles were secured to the metal frame with brown leather restraints.  Her arms were crossed over her chest and her wrists were restrained also.  

Charlie walked slowly to the bed not wanting to scare the visibly shaking girl.  When she reached Sarah, her eyes were closed but large tears managed to spill silently down her cheeks.  The woman moved her hand up to brush the tears away, but at first touch the girls eyes squeezed tighter shut and her body visibly shook with silent sobs.

Charlie knelt down at the side of the bed, “Hey shh…shh…Sarah it’s me, it’s Charlie, do you remember me?”

The girl continued to soundlessly weep.

“Come on let me get these off you.”

The nurse rose to her feet and began to unfasten the restraints.  When both wrists were loose Charlie was shocked when the young woman suddenly rose to a sitting position and began punching her, screaming.

Charlie was quick to grab her fists as she pulled the distraught woman into her arms and held her tightly, rocking her gently back and forth.  Clinton swiftly appeared, but the tall woman quickly told him to leave.

“Shh…it’s ok I have you, it’s going to be alright.  Believe me Sarah it is going to be all right…shh.”  She whispered.

Sarah listened to the unknown person and wondered why she should believe her; slowly she began to calm down.  Charlie continued to hold the young woman until she was silent.

“Hey you ok?” she softly asked

The girl didn’t answer.

“Sarah are you…” Charlie noticed she was still trembling and realised the girl was cold.  The window was open, well as much as it could be at a mere two to three inches of give.  

Charlie felt a flash of burning anger, but it soon eased when her protective instincts took over.  Quickly she shrugged off her jacket and put it around the girl whose head still hadn’t risen more than an inch.  Then she stood up and strode to the window and pulled open the curtains and pulled shut the window.  

Sarah instantly whimpered and believing the light was too much for her deprived eyes, Charlie closed the curtains again.  She turned and walked back to the girl who sat pulling the leather securely around her.

“Lets get these off your legs as well shall we?”

Charlie pulled off the leg restraints and Sarah instantly pulled her legs to her chest, hugging herself tightly.  

The psychologist desperately wanted to hold the young woman again but was afraid her touch wouldn’t be welcome, and to be honest she couldn’t blame her.  

Where the hell has my emotional distance gone, and why do I feel the need to hold her until I get to see those green eyes tearless.  

Charlie had always been able to hold a good professional detachment but suddenly it eluded her.   

  

Not wanting to give in, she gingerly sat down on the edge of the bed.  The young woman was now quiet, so Charlie decided to try again,

“Hey?”

Nothing.

“Sarah, I want to help you, please believe me.”

Still nothing.

“If you don’t want help and are happy the way that things are going then fine, if not let me prove to you I mean what I say.”

There were moments of unsure silence before the golden head slowly lifted and Charlie got another glimpse into the most sensitive green eyes she had ever seen.  They held so much pain, yet so much spirit.  

When Sarah first spoke the voice was rough and scratchy from lack of use.

“Why?” she whispered,

“Why what, why do I want to help you?”  The tall woman’s heart was pounding in her chest.

Sarah shook her head and tried to clear her unused voice a little, “No why do you care?” Her voice was slightly accusing.

Charlie paused for a second before giving her most honest answer, “Because ignorance is an emotion.  It fuels fear and hate and drives those who need help away into places like this.  I want to help you Sarah, and I can’t help caring.  I feel you truly understand what I mean, please believe me.”  The psychologist pleaded.

The young woman lowered her head, saying nothing.

Charlie decided on different tactics, “Why don’t you get cleaned up and some clothes on, while I get you bed changed.”

The girl pulled the leather jacket round her, basking in its texture and smell, it seemed so comforting.

“Can I get dressed first…I don’t use the showers, I’ll use the sink in here.”

Charlie got the message and understood that the girl wanted some privacy while she dressed, so she moved to stand.

“Sure I’ll go get a change of sheets for you, and be back in about ten minutes ok?”

Sarah just nodded her head, which was now lowered again.

The nurse got up and started walking towards the door, she looked into the corner of Sarah’s room to see a small camera watching their every move; instantly she hated it.  

Quietly she left the room, closing the door behind her.

  

Clinton was waiting for her not far away with a fresh pile of sheets.  He explained that he noticed the aroma when he went in, so though he would get them ready for her.

 Charlie thanked him and took them with her to her office, intent on giving Sarah enough time to get washed and dressed.

Once inside, Charlie sat pondering what had just happened while she waited, giving the young woman enough time to wash and dress.  First things first, get Sarah sorted, then go find out what the hell happened that caused her to be restrained all night.  Why not just a sedation?

*******

  She waited ten minutes before going back.  Sarah was dressed in a pair of faded blue jeans and a black sweater.  She’d already stripped her bed and had left the soiled sheets in a pile by the door.  The room was dull and the smell of urine was still there so Charlie decided to go open the curtains and window.

“NO, please don’t” Sarah asked.

“Why?”

The girl lowered her head looking everywhere but at the woman, “I…the sun, it hurts my eyes.” She stated

Why are you lying to me, Charlie thought.

“Ok, can I open the window though and get some fresh air in?”

The girl visibly blushed, but nodded her head anyway.

Charlie moved her arm through the curtains and pushed her hands through the barred window, opening it to its whole three-inch allowance.  The cool spring air instantly flowed through.  

The nurse then set about making the bed.  She did it in silence, wanting to say something to the young woman but trying to decide what tactics she would use to get the girl to open up.  

When the bed was finished she turned to Sarah, who had spent the entire time standing by the far wall watching her.  

Charlie smiled, “All done,” she stated.

Sarah looked down, “You didn’t have to do it…I usually have to do it myself anyway.”  Her voice was still husky from the lack of use, and she kept trying to quietly clear it.

Charlie moved closer, “Sarah we have our first consultation this afternoon, is there anything you want to talk about?”

The young woman looked at her surprised, but as she was about to respond Adams appeared at the door.

“Miss Taylor, could I speak with you please?”

Charlie turned back round to look at Sarah, but her head was lowered.

“Sure, I will see you later Sarah ok?”

The blond head nodded but didn’t move up in the slightest.  The woman left the room.

*******

  Adams walked straight into Charlie’s office and sat down on one of the leather sofas.  In his right hand he held a thick brown folder that he held balanced upon his knees.  The tall nurse sat down on the other seat and wanting to hear what he had to say, but she had some questions first.

“Mr Adams…”

“Graham.”

“Ok Graham, is that the report on what happened last night with Sarah Austin?  I would like to know what she did that led to her being put in those restraints?” she hoped she managed to put just the right amount of anger in her voice.

“Well,” Adams opened the file, “It seemed that Miss Austin, was making a commotion in her room last night, and when one of the security guards went in, she attacked him.”

Charlie frowned, “Why did a security guard go in there and not a nurse?”

“Look Charlene, can I call you that?” He didn’t wait for an answer, “The nurses up here are paid to take care of the patients like any other nurse.  The guards are there to control any unnecessary behaviour, and watch over our more high profile patients.  Most of the time things can be quite peaceful, but occasionally they need to use a bit of muscle.”

“Well why was she restrained and not just sedated?”

“Obviously the guard decided she needed to be punished for her behaviour.”

Charlie felt her nerves bristle as she desperately tried to swallow down her rising anger, “What do you mean they decided she needed to be punished, they hold positions like prison officers do they not, for the secure prisoners. What possible knowledge could they have as to the mental state of a patient?”

The director leaned forward, “Look here Miss Taylor, these men know what they are doing.  If it is decided that a patients behaviour was unwarranted, then I have complete confidence in their decision on how to handle the situation.”

The nurse took a long cleansing breath, counting slowly.

“Fine.” She stated.  This is not over.

“Good I am glad we have cleared this matter up, and I presume that being as though Miss Austin was released, that her state of mind has improved?”

I don’t think there was anything wrong with her in the first place.  Charlie told her self.

Adams headed toward the door, not even bothered on listening to the answer anyway.  “Right, well I have work to be getting on with.  That folder there,” he pointed to where he had just been sitting, “Is the incident file on Miss Austin, it has the report on what happened last night too.”

As soon as he left, Charlie walked straight over to the folder and sat down to start reading.  What did he mean by ‘occasionally they need to use a bit of muscle anyway?

*******

  Sarah sat on her freshly made bed with her back against the wall.  She was trying to read the latest book that had been sent up by Mel, one of the hospital cooks, but she was having trouble concentrating.  

Her mind kept wandering back to the new Psychiatric Nurse with confusion.  She had long ago decided to never allow one of those damn people to get into her head and twist her thoughts, but she couldn’t get this woman out of her mind.  

She remembered back to just yesterday, when she had looked up at the faceless woman she could hear talking to that bastard Adams.  She hated Adams, even though she tried not to, she just couldn’t help it.  The man was so ignorant and blind to what really went on in Bell Tower behind the ebony curtain of night.  If she was to think even less of him, she would believe that he didn’t even care what happened.  

She had heard his comments outside the door, before he entered and was expecting to see hate in the eyes of whomever he was with.  Instead what she saw, though only briefly, was compassion and the want to understand.  

  

She shifted on her bed, wincing when she felt a sharp pain lance through her back.  The guard last night had hit her hard, and all because he woke her up in the midst of a familiar nightmare, one she thought she was still in.  

She had lashed out at him without thinking and he had interpreted that as an act of malicious violence towards him.  He would say he had acted accordingly, but she knew it was out of careless judgement.  

She sighed, adjusted her book and started to read.  The book was an interesting one and she was glad Mel was such a good judge of what she would find exciting.  She had met the cook while she was on the second floor, the woman would occasionally bring in her meals.  Mel had started talking to her, intent on making her laugh and did just that.  She soon found the cook was a trust worthy person, and although she never divulged her problems to the woman, she began to warm to her.  Mel would bring her a book in every week and even after she was sent to the thirds for defending herself against another patient; Mel still managed to get a book to her.  

  

Deciding reading was out for the moment, Sarah put down her book and lay herself down on her side.  She thought about the woman she was to see later and was filled with a mix of fear and anticipation.  

The woman was beautiful, really beautiful.  In fact she didn’t think she had ever seen a more striking looking woman.  Being where she was, contact with others was minimal, both by her doing and the medical staff.

 Since she had been at Bell Tower she had been afraid to tell them what was wrong with her, for fear they would make her face her problems.  Now this woman had arrived who would want to do the same, and Sarah didn’t know how much longer she could fight.  She was tired of being afraid, and the desire to do anything this woman requested was strong.  It confused her and was the main reason for her lack of desire to read.

*******

  Soon it was lunchtime, and Charlie realised she hadn’t had anything to eat or drink so far that day.  Earlier as she was about to start reading Sarah’s file, Clinton had arrived and informed her that she had an appointment with a patient in less than five minutes.  She had been with the patient, Douglas for one and a half hours and now she was ready to eat.

 

Locking her office, she proceeded down the hall and out of the third floor.  

The cafeteria was on the ground floor, and she had as yet to visit that.  Charlie decided not to take the lift, so she took a light jog down the back stairs, telling herself she would take them on the way back up, as she hadn’t worked out that morning.  

She got to the bottom and opened the door, almost running into Betty in the process.  The staff nurse laughed and moved out of the tall woman’s way,

“My, my I would have to presume one is hunting for food, with these antics.”

Charlie laughed, “I’m starved, are you on your way to the cafeteria?”

“I sure am.”

The woman bowed and swept her hand out in a forward gesture, “Then lead the way, ‘B’.”

  

They walked the short journey, Betty introducing the new girl to passers by as they went.  Once they arrived they were confronted by a short cue, so stood in line to wait.  Charlie decided to ask the woman a question that had been on her mind since they had met up.

“ ‘B’ do you remember a girl who was moved up to the third about two years ago. Her name was Sa…”

“Sarah Austin, oh yes I remember her.” The woman stated

“What was her behaviour like while she was under your teams care?”

They reached the counter and started choosing their lunch.

“Well she was very shy and quiet.  She was obviously afraid of something but would never communicate with anybody.  We were never able to find out why.  Then the incident with that other patient happened and she was transferred to the third.”

“What incident?” The curious woman asked.

“Well it was never really clear what happened, just that she lost control after she was held up against a window by a patient.  Isn’t all this already in your files?”

Charlie nodded, “Probably, I haven’t had time to read them yet, I was hoping to get a look before we have our first session.”

Betty held up her plate indicating her selection to the cook on the other side of the counter, “I still can’t believe they sent her up for something like that, Mr Adams has no idea what is best for these patients.”

They took their food and bee lined to a recently vacated table.  Charlie sat first, so Betty moved to sit in front of her.  They silently started eating.

“So how is Sarah?” Bettie questioned.

“Ah…well, there was a bit of an incident last night, and I think the outcome was totally unnecessary.”

“No…that was her.  We heard a patient was restrained last night.”

“Well, it was as I said, totally unnecessary.”

“I hope your appointment with her goes well then.  She is such a beautiful girl, it seems a shame that she is locked away up there.”  Betty examined the thoughtful look on her companions face.  “Do you have some ideas on how to help her, you seem awfully deep in thought?”

Charlie arched an eyebrow, “Lets just say I prefer to read between the lines, and listen more to what is not said.  I have been considering her case though.”  Charlie didn’t mention that she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the girl since they had first made eye contact the day before.  She assumed it was just her determined spirit to help.

  

The rest of their meal was held in polite conversation, and a few more introductions.  After she was finished Charlie retreated back to her room, in order to gain some background knowledge of her next patient.

*******

  The metal clock on the wall told Sarah it was five minutes to three, which meant Nurse Taylor was soon to arrive.  She got up off her bed and started pacing the room.  

She was nervous, the young woman always was whenever a new person was to see her, but today she was more so.  Her hands were sweating and her stomach ached.  She could feel a lump rise in her throat and her breathing escalate; she could see herself visibly tremble.  

Sitting back on her bed, Sarah pulled deep breaths of air into her lungs and rubbed sweaty palms upon her jeans.  She hated feeling like this, but she knew that she had no control over it, so tried her best to cope until the feelings passed.  

She looked again at the clock, one minute to three.  

Her heart pounded painfully in her ears and the desire to cry was becoming more over powering.  Covering her face with trembling hands, the girl started reciting one of her favourite poems, Light of Stars.  After the third line, she looked again at the clock; it was three o’clock.

Please let her forget, or have something else to do, or need…

There was a knock at her door.

Oh no.

“Hello” was her timid reply.

She heard the mechanical lock click and the door swung open.  Charlie stood at the entrance and smiled.  Sarah felt her stomach flutter and she looked at the toilet nervously.

The tall woman walked in, shutting the door behind her. “Hi Sarah, how are you feeling now?”

The younger woman kept her head down.  Charlie walked further into the room and sat on the corner of the bed.

“I hope you don’t mind if I sit here, there isn’t really anywhere else, but I will sit on the floor it you want.” She joked

Sarah looked up surprised by the woman’s comment.  “You can sit there.” She stated, and moved to the top of the bed sitting down as well.

Charlie looked at the girl who found the cold green, tiled floor so very interesting.  Her hands were slightly trembling and her chest rose with quick short breaths.

“Are you feeling better from this morning?”

The blond head nodded.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

The blond head shook negatively.

“Are you feeling nervous today?”

There was no answer.

“I am here to help you Sarah, and I believe I can, do you believe that.”

Nothing.  She wanted to speak but couldn’t.

“Are you not up to talking today?”

Slim shoulders shrugged.

“Maybe later?”

Another shrug.

Charlie inwardly sighed.  “Ok I guess I will leave.”  She paused, “How about if I just ask one question, then I go?”

Sarah looked up at that; the thought of the woman leaving hurt her inside.

“One question?”  Her voice was still a little scratchy.

Charlie nodded.  

“Ok”

“Right, just one and you will give me your most honest answer.” She paused, “Sarah, are you happy?”

The young woman felt the question slice through her heart; she was not expecting that.

Charlie nudged forward on the bed until she was sitting beside the young woman, “That is all I want to know right now.  You can give me a simple yes or no answer,” Charlie wanted to give the girl something to think about.

Sarah sighed and looked at the sweaty palms resting in her lap.  Suddenly she felt two fingers under her chin, as it was lifted to look into a pair of clear blue eyes.  A slight tremble shook her body.

“You said you would answer.”  The nurse stated.

“No.”

Charlie frowned, “Yes you did, one question.”  She felt a little disorientated.

Sarah smiled inwardly at the older woman’s miss understanding, “No I mean the answer is no.”

Charlie pulled her fingers away, but continued to hold the hypnotic gaze of the green eyes woman.  

“Do you want to be?”

The younger woman frowned, “That’s two questions.”

Charlie shrugged her shoulders, “Consider this a voluntary answer, you only have to answer if you want me to know the truth.”

Sarah smiled slightly and Charlie felt a tingle run through her.  If she had allowed herself the time, she would have wondered what it was.

“Honestly…I can’t remember what being happy feels like, but if it were to mean that the feelings I have would no longer be here,” she placed a hand over her heart, “then the answer would be yes, I do want to be happy.”

Charlie moved her hand to push a piece of hair that fallen over the young woman eyes but pulled back, feeling it was an inappropriate gesture.  She smiled and rose to her feet, feeling the need to maintain some professional distance.

“Thank you…ok as promised I will leave now.  But while I am gone I want you to think about something for tomorrows session.”

Sarah looked up at the tall woman, not wanting her to leave but knowing she wouldn’t say anything to stop her.

“I want you to think about how I can make you happy.  What I could do to help you feel it again and what it would mean if you were to stay like you are at the moment.”

As Charlie expected, the girls’ reply was a simple nod of the head.  

She smiled and walked towards the door.  Turning around she waited for the girl to life her head, then winked, “See you tomorrow k?”  And she was gone.

Sarah looked at the door wondering what had just happened, she felt confused and suddenly alone.

 

Charlie stood by the door for a couple of seconds before making a swift retreat to her office.  She closed the door behind her and sat at her desk, putting an elbow on the top and her chin in her hand, frowning. 

I’ll do anything to make that brief smile stay upon her lips.  She considered not realising the direction her thoughts.

 End of part 1

 continued in part 2

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